I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
