God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
