who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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