My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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