I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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