hell yes lets make some ravioli
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
