if you like me you must not know who I am
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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