He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
