I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
