u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
