you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize