"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You pole danced in your parka.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
