The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
