Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
