i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
