You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
