Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
