That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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