it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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