im about as happy as oj after his trial
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
