TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
