Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
