the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
