I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
