Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
