The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
