omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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