is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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