how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
