so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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