But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
