If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
