she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Fuck appropriateness.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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