Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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