dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
