OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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