I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
