i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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