I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
