No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize