i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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