I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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