Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
