I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
