i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Found the puke drawer
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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