She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
