I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
