dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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