I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
