I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
