My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
