just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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