I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize