I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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