I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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