the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
