At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
either way he was missing a nipple.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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