Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Houston, we have a blender
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
