I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
