Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
