everyone is single if you try hard enough
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
