if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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