So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She's not a foreskin expert like you
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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