Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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