How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you inspire me to be a worse person
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
