They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
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