So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
