So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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