I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize