i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
