I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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