When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
