I'm gonna have a badass scar
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
