I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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