I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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