I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
