If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
