i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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