Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
