My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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