his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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