is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize