I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
