Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
