I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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