I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
