This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
