omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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