I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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