I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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