the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
