I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
