4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize