I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
