Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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